Fuck appropriateness.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
