I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
