I must be too annoying 4 u.
I heard we made out
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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