I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
