my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
