Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
