Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
