everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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