i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
