FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
