either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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