ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
