you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
