I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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