I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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