look no pants
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
