is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
