I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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