they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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