My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
