She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
