my vag is so smooth its legendary
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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