My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
