The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
