sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Semen is not good for contacts.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
