you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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