so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
