You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
