i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
