It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
