She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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