can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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