I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize