i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
