This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
