How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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