I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize