She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
