And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
