There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
