I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize