My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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