K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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