You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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