So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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