her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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