my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
