Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
