Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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