I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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