My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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