She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
