just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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