This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
