brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
