you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
