i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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