You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
