you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm like, not good at living.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
