Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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