the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
