I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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