You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
