Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
