two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
