Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
