can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
