trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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