I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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