i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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