I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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