peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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