I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
