I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
