I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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