drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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