um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
