your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize