I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
