cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
