yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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