Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
