I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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