he thought i was a dude.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
