Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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