Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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