I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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