Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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