I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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