we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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