TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
