she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
