I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
