i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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