if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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