She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
