I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
