Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
