I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
