Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
