I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
