So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Randomize
