it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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