I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
