Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
