dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
FUCK WHALES
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
