okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
