Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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