There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
